


i wanna be your left hand man

by MadeFromDarkWater



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, High School AU, cosima rages against the machine, machine being institutionalized educational systems, mostly just high school fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 15:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6860767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadeFromDarkWater/pseuds/MadeFromDarkWater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a senior in high school, Cosima is ready to leave her small New England town. That is, until she sees a blonde girl struggling with her suitcase. </p><p>Delphine just flew in from France to finish her senior year at one of the most prestigious private schools in the world. But she's having a hard time focusing, because there's a girl sitting in tree outside her window, and she's starting to wonder if it would be that bad to have a friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. high above the mountains and the columbine

**Author's Note:**

> A little AU I've been working on, because fuck this canon misery 
> 
> cw: for gross old men and dubious intentions, but nothing graphic, and Leekie is literally never coming back after this.

 

Cosima has lived next to the boarding school since she was 12. She’d never really connected to the place; its old brick building with stone columns and pristine, boat-shoe toting students. New England falls were nice enough, but she missed the ocean breeze of San Francisco.

 

They hadn’t planned on staying here for as long as they did. They were supposed to return to California before Cosima even noticed they had left. 

 

_Just a temporary job Cosima. I’m only filling in for a professor on maternity leave._

 

But the academy is every teacher’s professional dream, and when the philosophy department offered her father a full time position, he couldn’t say no.

 

_It’s one of the best schools in the world Cosima. You should apply._

She didn’t apply. She didn’t want to. It’s not that she hadn’t wanted the academic challenge. She just didn’t want the attention. She’s been around long enough to see how the term “faculty brat” got swung around, ripping through the self esteem of the children whose parents came to her dinner. She needed that like she needed a shot to the foot.

 

Her parents understood. 4 years at the public school down the road and a group of ragtag friends that stood out among the wealth washed walls of the academy. They didn’t bat an eye when Cosima came home with a head of dreads, or when Beth inked a dandelion on her forearm. They welcomed her first girlfriend, Shay, in with welcome arms.

 

Six years, they lived in that small house behind the Day Hall dorms. Six years of Cosima sneaking out to smoke pot in the maple tree, only to wave at the security guards as they walked the perimeter; looking for lost children trying to break free. Six years of faculty smiles and student’s confusion. Six years of _“who is she”_ and _“what is she wearing”_ and _“I just don’t understand why she’s hanging around”_

 

She’s happy to be leaving the small New England town soon enough. Cosima’s never regretted not attending the institution. Not once. That was at least, until she sees her struggling with her suitcase up the back staircase.

* * *

 

It’s move in day, and Delphine feels her heart settle permanently in her throat. Each beat sends a rush of blood to her ears, and all she can do is focus on the thin patch of skin visible between the starch white collar of her uncle’s shirt and beginning on his hairline, and pray that she does not faint.

 

She had wanted to finish her schooling in France, but her parents through it might be good for her to get some distance from everything. She’s sure they would have let her stay, if she had a reason to. But she doesn’t really have any friends, and the science program here is better.

 

 _You are so lucky_ her mother admonishes as she brushes Delphine’s hair, braiding the curls into two braids tight enough to withstand the flight. _When I was a girl, I would have killed for an opportunity such as this._

Lucky girl. Silly, lucky Delphine that still cries herself to sleep sometimes.

 

_You must thank your uncle. We would not have been able to do this without him_

_Oui Maman_

_Très bien. Go get your sister_

He’s not actually her uncle, but she calls him that to foster a sense of familiarity. She’d be lying if she hadn’t noticed how his eyes trailed up her long legs when he picked her up from the flight. He’s respectable, an old business partner of her father’s that last saw her when she was gap toothed and small. But it doesn’t mean he’s not also a creep

 

He pushes them up past the crowds of people, clearly knowing somebody important enough to justify the way he pulls her through the crowd. People stare at her, and she tries to mumble apologies for each time her elbow bumps into someone, but her English can’t keep up with the drive of her uncle Aldous.

 

“Ah! Susan. There you are!”

 

They’re standing at the foot of a short set of stairs leading up to some academic building. In the archway stands a woman; white hair twisted up in a knot and pantsuit matching the steel blue of her eyes. She’s taking pictures with students, shaking each hand deliberately, and allowing for one photograph per person. She smiles, but it’s a hard, sickening smile. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

 

“Aldous! So happy you could make it here.”

 

She descends the stairs, and comes face to face with Delphine. She’s a bit smaller than Delphine, but she finds herself lowering her eyes out of respect and fear. Aldous places a large hand on her shoulder, and she fights the wave of nausea that runs through her.

 

“And you must be Delphine. Professor Duncan”. Her sharp British accent is without warmth, and normally, Delphine would run away, but her hand sticks itself out automatically.

 

“We’re happy you’re here. I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful contribution to our school. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be off. New students to attend to”

 

Delphine can barely get a small merci out before the women swoops back to her previous position. She can’t shake the cold that has settled, but is becoming aware of the clammy palm that has moved down to the small of her back to steer her away, perhaps lingering longer than she would like.

 

“Ah Delphine. What are we going to do with you?”

 

The question of the year, it seems.

* * *

Cosima watches from her perch in the sugar maple tree, as a literal angel drags a suitcase across gravel.

 

She’s with an elderly man, but he is clearly is more invested at looking at the blonde haired girl than helping. And after all her belongings are piled up ( _does she really only have those few suitcases to sustain her the year)_ the man hugs her awkwardly and drives off in his shiny black Mercedes. She can almost feel the loneliness radiating off the blonde.

 

It’s a test of willpower, Cosima thinks. Because if she has one rule, its to stay the _fuck_ away from the boarding school brats that surround her. And yeah, this girl could easily be the prettiest thing she’s ever seen, but Cosima has some willpower. No, she will not compromise her stance. No matter how beautiful the sun looks bouncing off of her blonde curls.

She watches as the girl not once, but twice, attempts to grab her suitcase and keep the fire resistant door open before deciding to prop the door open. But Cosmia has seen this move before; numerous second years trying to sneak out, only to prop the door open and set the alarm off. It’s one of the most sure fire ways to tell everyone you have no idea what’s going on.

 

So she stubs her joint out on the branch of her tree, and swings down, thankful for the harem pants for the extra movement. She scrambles up to the stone wall that’s meant to separate the dorms and her house, swinging her legs over easily.

 

It’s a public service really. Nothing to do with how the flustered blonde make’s Cosima’s heart jump. The alarm would for sure set up the dogs that live with the Romantic Literature prof that lives next to her, and that noise would totally harsh Cosima’s high.

 

“You’re not gonna want to prop that door open. It’s set to trigger this huge alarm if it’s open for more than like 20 seconds.”

She looks up startled, and the first thing Cosima thinks is _shit._ Because her eyes are like the size of moons, and the white shirt she’s wearing, while salivating flattering, is worth more than Cosima’s entire outfit and not meant to be moving heavy suitcases. Also, she’s pretty sure there’s a freckle on the tip of her nose. _Shit_

 

“Oh. I… euh… did not know”

 

 _French_ Cosima thinks. _Shit_

“Yeah. They don’t really tell you the little stuff. Here I’ll help you move all your stuff inside”

 

So Cosima grabs one suitcase and a box marked _livres,_ holding the door open for the girl to drag the other suitcase into the small hallway. She drops the suitcase next to the elevator.

 

“Merci. For the help”

 

“No problem” _when did she become this much of a fool_

 

“Delphine”

 

The girl, this beautiful beautiful girl, sticks her hand out awkwardly. The other goes to run deft fingers through curls.

 

“Cosima” and she pulls it together enough to flash her trademark grin, tallying that this girl, _Delphine,_ seems to blush in response.

 

“Enchanté”

 

“ehh. Enchanté”

 

Sarah, and Felix and them, they’re all gonna kill her.


	2. we swapped names, and I though maybe that you’d stay, and try to outdrink me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two here we go! Sorry this is so long. I tried to introduce as many people as I could, and it got a little out of hand. 
> 
> As always, mistakes are mine

Delphine finished unloading her suitcases alone, hauling each small subsection of her life into the elevator and staking them carefully. Her mind drifts to that peculiar girl, _Cosima,_ without hesitation.

There had been something there, a connection maybe? Delphine isn’t sure. She’s kept to herself for so long now. She’d had friends, been popular, in the proverbial sense, back in France. But they had been really more of a placeholder for bigger, better things. Delphine had always rather talked science with her teachers than gossip with her peers. It had always made more sense.

Her room is on the second floor of the dorm, way in the back corner. As she approaches it, it’s noticeable that a thrum of music permeating through the corner.   She’s not a musical fan, but as she struggles to her room, it’s becoming clear that her roommate might be.

 

“Jeeeeessssuuus Christ. Suuuuuperstar”

 

The room is an explosion of pink and pastels, and Delphine’s minimalist sensibility is immediately thrown out of circuit. It looks as if a 12 year old has been let loose with a can of paint and a tube of glitter glue.

There’s a girl, no older than Delphine spinning around the room. She’s small, compact, and wearing one of those polo shirts her mother used to make her and her younger sister wear when they visited her grandfather. That phase had only lasted a year or so, before both Delphine and Adelaide complained so much that the collars made their skin itch. Grand-père hadn’t really lived that much longer after that anyways.

Her companion is larger slightly, but no less joyous. She bounces around, singing lyrics to a song Delphine is sure she’s never heard, helping the smaller girl hang a string of white Christmas lights above a corkboard dedicated solely to pictures of girls standing in groups.

Delphine knocks twice, and both girls drop everything and turn around wildly. Delphine is overtaken with a fear that she’s walked into the wrong room. Surely these two girls are roommates. They’re already on the same page, it’s like they’re an extension of themselves in two different bodies.

 

“Hello. Can I help you?” the smaller one asks. There’s no menace there, but she’s high-strung, and Delphine wonders if she’ll snap if Delphine were to push to hard. 

“I… euh, think this is my room? But I am not sure. They just gave me this slip”

“Oh goodness, _where_ are my manners. You must be Delphine! I’m Alison. Please, come in.”

 

The smaller girl grabs one of Delphine’s suitcases, rather forcefully, and halls it into the room. The larger girl turns down the speakers, but keeps staring at Delphine and smiling at her? She had heard that Americans were friendly, but the level of this sets her even more off kilter.

 

“Sarah. Sarah Stubbs.” She waves, comically so. “Ali’s best friend and practically honorary roommate”

“So, you are not roommates then?”

“No. I’m just a day student.” She replies “But Ali has been here for all four years. They recruited her as a first year for the soccer team, and now she like practically leads every club. You really couldn’t have asked for a better roommate”

 

“Stop it you” Alison swats at Sarah. Delphine wonders if she’s sharing a room with two suburban mothers from those television shows her mother watches when her father isn’t in the room. “Where are you from then? Certainly not Massachusetts”

 

“France. Lille”

“France. Très romantique. Why did you leave? If you don’t mind me asking”

_“_ The science program here is better. Not many girls studied what I did back home” 

“Must have been lonely.” Sarah remarks so easily that it makes Delphine wonder if this girl has ever felt loneness in her life. One does not joke of it once you’ve felt like you might be the only person in the world.

 

Thankfully, Alison seems to read her discomfort. “We’ll have plenty of time for questions for the year, no? You’re probably tired from your flight.” Alison pulls the suitcase in her hand to the far corner to a small door, pushing it open with the toe of her brightly pink manicured foot. It opens to a room, no larger than a broom closet, with a dresser and twin bed somehow wedged in to allow for some limited movement.

 

“This is your room. I have a room on the other side, and then the common room is in between. You can certainly help decorate if you’re feeling up to it. Half yours half mine”

 

“I thought we’d have…”

 

“To share? God no. With the money this school asks for tuition, they are going to give you some private space. Even if it’s an old supply closet”

Sarah and Alison help Delphine carry her things into her broom closet room, stacking everything under her raised bed to allow them room to move. Alison’s watch starts beeping, and she starts moving so fast that Delphine swears she can see multiples of her.

 

“Fuuuddgge. Captain’s practice. With all this excitement I almost forgot. Here” she grabs a purple sticky note, _scented_ Delphine thinks, and writes ten digits in impossibly loopy script.

 

“My phone number. We usually grab dinner after practice, so text me if you want to grab food with us. The first day, well you know, it’s certainly not the easiest”

“Ah, merci Alison”

“It’s no worry, really. Alright Sarah lets go”

 

And the two are out in a blur and Delphine is left to herself again. She takes a couple deep breaths to center herself ( _had she not been breathing regularly during that interaction? Possibly)_ and decided to accomplish at least one small task before letting herself sleep.

 

She makes her bed and unpacks her books and photos. She has a window in this impossibly small room, and with further inspection, sees that it opens to a fire escape. She opens the window in order to facilitate some air circulation. Alison’s things smelled like bubblegum and fake roses.

 

She notices her then, perched back in the tree reading a book, directly in her eye line. The noise of the old window startles her, and Delphine watches as the head jerks, and cat eyed glasses slip down to the edge of a small, perfect nose.

 

Cosima waves at her, somewhat awkwardly and abruptly. But there’s a smile there too, and Delphine feels warmth spread from her stomach to her toes and through her fingers and neck.

 

She waves back, and hopes that this perfect girl doesn’t notice that she’s sweating.

* * *

 

 As fate would have it, as it appears that fate does like to joke with Cosima, the beautiful French girl lives practically in her back yard. There’s what, like 100 girls in that dorm. The odds of the beautiful French girl that Cosima is totally not falling for having that room that looks over her small sliver of backyard are far too small.

 

But of course, as luck would have it, the room that Cosima thought was a supply closet now is home to a walking angel. It creaks with the forced movement, causing her to momentarily look up, and sure enough, none other than Miss Enchanté herself is looking back at her. Her hair has somehow gotten even more golden in the past 30 minutes, and the setting sun casts these delicate rays across her face. _All right Universe_ Cosima thinks bitterly _I get it. She’s perfect and out of reach._

 

She waves, because what else do you do, and is thoroughly surprised when the girl waves back. The kids here do their best to ignore Cosima. She thinks its because her dreads, her tattoos, and her general disregard for the prestige of the school scare them; these children built up since grade school to excel in everything from tennis to calculus. A girl like Cosima, who can recite the periodic timetable and balance equations, but also smokes pot and drink beer and make out with girls scares them. Like an albino chimpanzee in a zoo maybe? She doesn’t really like to think about it.

 

Delphine waves back, and Cosima can see that she’s chewing her bottom lip. There’s no way Cosima makes her nervous. Has that girl looked in a mirror lately?

 

_Best not to dwell_ she thinks. So she pretends to finish the chapter she’s reading, hyper aware of girl that’s precariously close to making Cosima break her cardinal rule, before clambering down and walking (not sauntering. Definitely not sauntering) back to her house.

 

Her father is sitting in the living room, playing the crumpled professor part quite well. He and her mother haven’t sold out completely with their move across the country, a fact Cosima takes pride in. Her mother, a composer, still flies out frequently to attend protests and peace marches, and her father has been championing to add a required class on non-violent resistance to the curriculum. _He could be head of the department_ , her mother muses, _but he’s simply just too liberal for those parents, worrying that their kids might actually feel something_.

 

But they still have the house with the fence and the cat and the neighbors that bring them baked goods. No 2.5 kids. It’s just Cosima and them. But it’s more than enough. Cosima’s not a big fan of the cat. It bites her dreads when she moves in her sleep.

 

“What ya up to kiddo?”

“Off to Sarah’s I think.”

“There for dinner? Your mom doesn’t get home until late, and I have another staff meeting in an hour. A parent is petitioning is petitioning to spend the new grant money on a better swimming pool. Meanwhile the whole philosophy department has mold growing everywhere, and the newspaper is getting run out of a basement in building that floods every spring. These people…“

“Sounds like you’ve got a long night ahead of you”

 “Don’t I know it” her dad laughs, running his hand on the top of her head, wiggling her dreads. “Tell Siobhan I owe her. At this point, maybe we should just pack you a day bag”

“I think she’s got enough for foster kids. Helena spat on somebody the other day” 

“Well I’m sure they had it coming. Be safe kiddo.”

“Always am” she calls back, before tossing her bag into the passengers’ side of her beat-up Volkswagen and driving away.

 

She’s thankful she knows the drive to Sarah’s by heart, because her mind is certainly elsewhere throughout the drive. _Did she actually blush when I waved at her. Do I have a chance? No way. She’s like textbook straight_

 

Cosima pulls into the car into the driveway, leaving room for Beth’s car. It’s not the nicest neighborhood, where Sarah, Felix, Helena and their foster mother live. But S knows everybody there is to know, and Cosima sometimes thinks that she’s at more of a risk getting robbed at home than in this house.

 

She enters into the house, and is met with a chorus of hellos and geek monkeys. Part of her really hates the nickname, but she knows it’s as good as engraved on her tombstone at this point. She remembers, fleetingly, of a time in middle school, where she had her face shoved in the dirt, with people chanting around her because they saw the way her glances lingered a bit longer at girls in gym. Her glasses were broken, and Cosima was about ready to die, before she heard a brash british voice telling them to lay off.

 

_"Oih. Stop. She’s just a geek monkey. Pick on somebody your own size yeah?"_

_"Like you Manning. Heard your own mom didn’t want you."_

_"Oh fuck you. Neither did yours."_

S had rounded the corner in enough time to stop a fight from happening, getting the children away with threats about going to the principle. Cosima had been pulled from the dirt, and brought to Sarah’s house for the first time, and despite getting some blood from her nosebleed on their couch, had always been welcome back.

 

They sit around smoking and laughing. Sarah had been gone for the last two weeks, on some vacation in the woods with her on again off again boyfriend. Cosima had lost $20 because she hadn’t thought Sarah could make it.

 

“He must be wonderful in bed” Felix jabs in between hits of the joint. “Because camping darling, it’s not for you”

“Hey fuck you Fee. I can camp its not that hard”

 

Felix and Sarah go on like this, and it’s easy for Cosima to get lost in it, the familiarity. She starts to slip to other thoughts but is quickly jostled.

 

“Hey four eyes what planet are you on” Sarah jests, hitting Cosima square in the forehead with a piece of popcorn.

“Oooh I know that face. Somebody’s met a cute girl”

 

Beth slides into the living room, shaking Cosima’s shoulders as she passes. Beth doesn’t look like she would fit into this group, with her nice house and nice clothes and a really nice soccer scholarship to some Ivy League school. But she’s also got a nasty pill problem, and along with the fact that she likes to make out with Cosima at parties, she’s cheating on her boyfriend with a guy 6 years older. But they don’t judge. Not that any of them really can.

 

“Who is she” Felix asks again “Because you’re pining”

“I’m not pining”

 “Bullshit I can see it from here” Beth follows

 “Fine. Her name is Delphine. She’s French. Super hot. Great hair” Cosima replies, hoping that they don’t ask more.

 

“Sounds like something perfect for our favorite geek monkey to rub up against. What’s the issue”

 

Cosima shrugs, hoping that she’ll see she really doesn’t want to go into it. But of course it doesn’t work, and Sarah sees through her immediately.

 

“She’s one of those boarding school bitches, isn’t she”

“So what if she is?”

“Have you no standards? What happened to the Cosima we know and tolerate”

“Hey” Beth interrupts. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Just like fuck her so you don’t drag it out like you always do”

“I don’t drag things out”

“Cosima darling” Felix remarks, passing her a joint “you are the queen of u-hauling before you even meet the girl. Don’t tell me you don’t already have your first year anniversary planned out”

 

There’s a chorus of laughter, and Cosima feels herself go as red as her scarf. _Just fuck her_ she thinks _as if it was that easy._

* * *

 The first week of classes pass by, and Delphine feels herself staring to get her feet underneath her again.

It helps to have the same routine, down to the minute. Breakfast lunch and dinner with Alison and Sarah, classes, and an hour at the gym. While it’s somewhat depressing, it allows her fleeting glances of Cosima out her window.

She’s there every evening, reading a book in a tree. She doesn’t know why, but there are so many questions she wants to ask Cosima.

She asks Alison about her, but is met with indifference. “ _I think she’s one of the faculty’s kid. She doesn’t go here though, which is weird, because like they all do. Don’t you think her hairstyle is strange?”_

She likes her hairstyle she thinks. And for some reason, she bets Cosima smells like honey.

She doesn’t tell Adelaide about Cosima, which is weird, because she usually tells her little sister everything. But she listens to Adelaide list off her days, nodding and smiling when she’s supposed to, while watching as Cosima licks her finger before turning the page.

 

_“Sorry am I boring you?”_

_“Non. Impossible. I’m just euhh… I'm a bit jetlagged”_

_“Vous êtes un menteur terrible. You don’t have to call me every night. My life isn’t as exciting as yours.”_

_“Assez Addie. There’s nobody else I’d rather talk to”_

It’s not a lie, not really. Because it’s not like she’s talking to Cosima. Just kind of staring at her, hoping not to get caught. She’s not lovesick, she tells herself, but Cosima just looks so _interesting_

So, color her surprised, after a week of walking past her backyard and looking out her window, when she hears her name called out.

Cosima waves at her, signaling her to come down, and Delphine can’t think of a time her feet have moved faster.

 

She’s there, sitting on that stonewall, swinging her bare feet like a child. She’s wearing a dress the color of cranberries, and Delphine can’t help but think about how beautiful it compliments her smooth skin and dark hair.

 

“I’m bored.”

“Your book?”

 “Oh. I finished it. Actually not the first time I’ve read it so I already knew how it ended”

 

“May I see?” Delphine asks, extending her hand out. She’s surprised when the girl blushes slightly and hands over the heavy hardback. The book opens easily, it’s clearly well loved. Her name _Cosima Niehaus_ is written under a small coffee stain in the inner cover

 

“Origin of Species. A classic non?”

“Yeah well I’m kinda a huge science nerd. I’m um… embarrassing to say the least”

“Non. Non. I think science is fascinating. I plan on studying it at university. Immunology perhaps, though I have not decided”

 

Cosima whistles long and low, and Delphine feels warmth spread in her core. What is this woman doing to her?

 

“Pretty, French, and into the hard sciences. Are you sure you’re real”

 Delphine smiles, looks down and bites her lip. Normally, she hates attention. But with Cosima, it makes her feel warm and slightly more, well, more loved?

 

“Well, if you’re done with your book. I was planning on going to talk about a new development on the process behind cloning cells. Would you like to attend with me? The teacher seems very passionate about the subject” 

“Professor Walker! Ah man, she’s literally the best. I’d totally be down. But we’ve gotta sneak in. I’m not totally supposed to go to those things. You know, the whole-public school kid thing”  

 

Delphine smiles, canting her hips slightly more towards the girl and resisting the urge to play with a dread. 

“Well, mon amie, I can keep a secret if you can”

Delphine was officially over her head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued....


	3. The future can’t be real. I barely know how long a moment is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. But also Delphine is alive so I've been pretty distracted. 
> 
> Also if anybody wants to hear my writing playlist, have fun connecting songs with the chapter titles. Then feel free to judge my music taste accordingly

They sneak into the auditorium ten minutes after the talk was supposed to begin. Cosima’s always late, but with Delphine she feels the need to apologize. Delphine blows off her apology, bringing up the fact that it was her that ran into Cosima and invited her, and they couldn’t really had been any earlier, even if it had taken Cosima an extra five minutes to run inside and try to figure out what to do with her hair.

 

They’re quite enough, walking into the space, with rows of students facing forward watching the professor click through slides on clone cells and their implication on the scientific community. Delphine bumps into a chair, and Cosima’s heart flutters, even if two angry students turn around and whisper harshly that she needs to be quiet. _Do you even know how important this research is._

 

Cosima apologizes for them both, and sits quietly next to Delphine. She can feel her embarrassment radiating off the French girl in thick waves. She makes a face, sticking her tongue out and rolling her eyes, and is rewarded with a soft giggle and a few more glares from the students.

 

Dr. Walker launches into her speech about the aspect of cloning human embryotic cells, along with the benefits and the moral obligations. Cosima hadn’t told Delphine, but she knows Walker’s presentation by heart. The science professor sis one of her parents friends, and upon hearing of Cosima’s academic interests and pursuits, always did her best to engage Cosima in all of her research.

 

It’s helpful that Cosima can recite the presentation backwards, because she’s also hyperaware of the set of eyes trailing the length of her. It takes all her strength to look ahead and not look back and stare at Delphine. So she settles for whispering criticisms of students opinions in Delphine’s ear periodically, counting it as a win when Delphine leans in, breathe tickling her cheek, and whispers that she’s too cheeky for her own good.

 

It’s all going so remarkably well, her knee settled next to Delphine and their shoulders bumping periodically, and Cosima can’t really remember the last time it was this easy with another girl. Shay hadn’t been easy; the string of girls after Shay, kissed behind bleachers and in the backs of cars hadn’t been easy either. Yet, here they are, with Delphine giggling at the professor’s polite attempt to shut down a persistent student’s line of questioning, and Cosima starts to think that despite everything she’s told herself, maybe this could work.

 

The sense of tranquility is cut short when the lights in the remarkably modern auditorium (hers at schools smells like socks and stale sweat constantly) rise, and Cosima is quickly reminded that she really isn’t supposed to be here. In the grand scheme of things, it really wasn’t all that long ago when a 12-year-old Cosima snuck in the library, only to be saved by a janitor when the librarian caught her and told her that the police were going to be called. The janitor, large and weathered with a main of sandy curls, pulled her by the scruff of her neck out the side door. _My boy, Scottie, he’s your age. Bright too. But you gotta get lost kid, before she get’s you in trouble_

 

It also serves as decent excuse to grab Delphine’s hand and dart quickly out the hallway.

* * *

 They run out the hallway, Cosima’s body moving faster than Delphine, causing her to trip over her own feet. She loses the grip on Cosima’s hand when the smaller girl cuts through a flowerbed.

 

“Hurry” Cosima admonishes, slowing her step and wigging her fingers delightfully, “I don’t want to get caught”

 

Delphine can’t help but laugh at this; getting in trouble for attending an academic talk. But she grabs the girl’s hand and doesn’t let it go until they stumble to a stop in a grassy field far outside the academic buildings and the dorms.

 

Cosima falls on the ground, dreads radiating from around her head in a semi circle, and lets out a laugh that is cut short by her heavy breathing.

 

“You’d think you’d be like, the fastest runner. Seriously, you’re all legs”

 

“I did not know where we were going. I was at a distinct disadvantage”

 

“I dunno dude” her voice drawling out each syllabus, making Delphine shiver slightly “Sounds like you’re making excuses about getting your ass handed to you by some public school gremlin”

 

Cosima pulls her legs up and cushions her head beneath her palms. Her glasses are slightly crooked, and the light that filters through the reddening oak leaves hits the lenses and causes Cosima to squint slightly. Delphine commits it to memory, before settling down next to her and pulling out her cigarettes.

 

“You smoke too. Cliché much”

 

“Brat” she swats at her knee, noticing the flecks of dirt and slight bruises that dapple her legs. “Would you like one?”

 

“Nah. Just pot for me”

 

“And you say I am a stereotype. Seems rather, paradoxical non?”

“Paradoxical?”

 

“Is that not right?” Delphine feels herself go bright red. Perhaps she should have taken that last English class her father recommended before she left.

 

“No no it’s totally right. Actually really impressive. I could barely think to use words like that in English, let alone in like, German”

 

Delphine giggles, and looks around her pockets for a lighter, but Cosima seems to be ahead of her, thrusting a black bic into her hand with an awkward flourish. She sucks in hard, letting the smoke fill her lungs and still her brain. Cosima seems content to trace the outlines of the passing clouds in the sky with her finger, humming the lyrics to some song she has never heard under her breathe quietly.

 

“Cosima?”

 

“That’s me”

 

“May I ask you something?”

 

This gets Cosima to turn her head towards Delphine. Her nose scrunches up, and Delphine is thankful she is holding her cigarette, because part of her wants to trace the creases in the smaller girl’s skin.

 

“Yeah. Ask away”

 

“Why do they not like you, at the academy? You are certainly smart enough. I cannot imagine you not succeeding.”

 

There’s a silence between them, as if Cosima is weighing her response. Delphine is rushed with insecurity again. She’s not good at making friends, even worse at keeping them.

 

“Sorry- that was, euh, very personal of me to…”

 

Cosima lets out a small laugh, short and quiet and Delphine almost missed it. But she notices how Cosima’s tongue peeks out between sharp white incisors when she is happy.

 

“How do you sound so proper, even when you’re backtracking from asking like, super personal questions”

 

“I am sorry I didn’t”

 

“You’re okay. It’s nothing big. I just never felt like I belonged here. Too much of a nerd, not enough pastels in my wardrobe. And the whole liking girls doesn’t really help the whole ‘blend in with the masses’ mission either”

 

“You like girls?”

 

“Is that a problem?”

 

“Non of course not”

 

“How about you. What brought you all the way across the world. Couldn’t have been the dorms. I heard they were hella musty”

 

“I suppose I never really fit in either.”

 

“Well then” Cosima remarks, fixing her glasses and rolling back over on to her back completely. “Cheers to that”

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon there, in the small field near the woods. At some point, Cosima roots out a joint from her backpack, and after a couple of drags, Delphine is feeling light and hazy all at the same time. They spend the afternoon watching the clouds and debating the relationship between ethics and science. Cosima is impressed by Delphine’s ability to name several of the birds around them, and cannot contain her joy when Delphine whistles out a semi-broken chickadee call. Delphine hasn’t giggled this long in awhile, and when she looks down at her phone to check the time, feels her heart sink as she notices she’s dangerously close to missing her check in time.

 

“I euh, have to go. I do not want to miss check in at my dorm”

 

“They have curfews here too? Yikes. I’ll walk you back”

 

“Are you sure you want to step foot in such a scary place” Delphine mocks lightly, bouncing her shoulder against the smaller one quickly “I wouldn’t want you to suffer on my account”

 

“Someone has to save you from all the scary football players”

 

They walk back in relative silence, but it’s easy and comforting. Delphine can feel Cosima thinking, her brows furrowing and her fingers grasping at air near her hips. When they round the corner to her dorm, Delphine notices the faces of several of her housemates peering out of windows, looking down at them. Cosima is noticeably less sure of herself, fumbling as she shoves her phone into Delphine’s hands, asking for her number but _only if you want to give it to me obvs. You could probably like yell really loud if you wanted to get my attention._ Delphine is quick to type her number in, giving the phone back softly.

“I will see you later?”

 

“Yeah. For sure”

 

And then Cosima jumps over the stone fence, and walks back into her house, and Delphine can’t bring herself to look away until the glass door closes behind her.

* * *

 

She’s in the middle of skipping gym when Cosima decides it’s time to text her.

 

It had been three days of staring at her phone hopelessly. Three days of sitting in that damn tree, trying not to notice each time the light flickered off her window, tricking Cosima’s eye into seeing shadows of movement. Easily some of the most nerve wracking three days of her 18 years thus far.

 

Beth runs another lap around the track, muscles in her thighs twitching with each step and passes everyone with each step. Paul runs beside her, but even him has a hard time keeping up. He’s also noticeably uncomfortable when she stops to talk with Helena, who is currently rapid-fire releasing arrows into a target. Paul tries to pull her away, which Beth responds with a definite shove, sending the man to finish his lap and run up to the pick up soccer game the gym teacher was leading.

 

“He’s a prick”

 

“Jesus Sarah”

 

“Hey you’re not the only one hiding in the woods trying to get out of running in a bloody circle for an hour.”

 

Beth rounds the length of the track again, and Sarah lets out a long low whistle, pushing Cosima out of the way when she tries to shut her up. Beth slows down, rolls her eyes and subtly flicks off Sarah, before running out of sight.

 

“You’re gonna get us caught Sarah. Enough”

 

“Nah. Star child will protect us. See, look. She’s covering for us. Wonder if coach knows Art dropped her off at home about 20 minutes ago. I wonder how she keeps all those double lives straight”

 

“Leave Beth alone yeah? Who are we still waiting for?”

 

“Fee is trying to sneak out of math. Using a beautifully forged note from S, if I do say so myself. So no idea why it’s taking him so long. “

 

Cosima looks down at her phone again, and deletes the message she had wrote out again. It shouldn’t be this hard, texting a girl who hasn’t signaled in anyway she wants to be anything more than friends. But the butterflies dance from the pit of her stomach up through her throat nonetheless.

 

“Whose got your attention geek monkey”

 

“What- nobody. Stop it”

 

Sarah snags the phone away from Cosima’s hands easily.

 

“Ohh Delphine. So you haven’t scared her away yet with your hippie smell yet?”

 

“ No actually. We hung out a couple of days ago.”

 

“And…?”

 

“And it was nice. That’s it. Nothing special”

 

The silence settles in between the two, and Beth makes another circle around the track, waving them away discreetly.

 

“Cos?”

 

“Yeah Sarah?”

 

“You know I’m not one to get involved in other peoples shit. Got too much of my own”

 

“And?”

 

“Well, I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. After Shay, well, we were all really worried”

 

“Thanks Sarah. That means a lot. But I promise you, I really don’t think this is anything. I’m pretty sure she’s like, crazy straight.”

 

“You should invite her to Beth’s this weekend then. Gonna be pretty big. And it would be a good way to see, you know, if anything _is_ there. “

 

“That’s…. that’s actually a really good idea”

 

“But Cos”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“If she strings you along, I’m gonna beat her up”

 

“Who are we beating up now dearest sister?”

 

Felix walks through the woods without any of the subtly that Cosima and Sarah have been trying to keep. His heavy black boots crush twigs under him despite his slight weight.

 

“You. Could you have taken any longer?”

…

 

_Hey its Cosima._

_…_

 

“You cannot be mad at me for the questionable status of the forged note”

 

_…_

_Bonjour Cosima. How are you?_

_…_

 

“That note was bloody perfect!”

 

“It had spelling mistakes!”

 

_…_

_I’m great! I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come to my friends party this weekend. Get away from all those stuffy academics for a while_

_That is if you want to._

_Totally no pressure_

_Shit sorry for all the texts_

_…_

“Well it worked didn’t it?”

 

“Barely!”

 

“Fake your own bloody note next time. I don’t need this shit Fee”

 

“You guys really need to leave before you get caught” Beth intercepts, finishing yet another lap. “You’re all shit at hiding”

“Enough from you, Sports Barbie”

 

“Fuck off Sarah. Just trying to save your skin”

 

…

 

_That sounds lovely Cosima. I cannot wait_

_…_

“Actually Sarah I think she’s right. I think he’s coming over”

 

“Alright time to go. Geek monkey, put you’re phone away long enough to get out of here yeah?”

 

_…_

 

_Awesome. I’ll pick you up_

_…_

“Jesus Cos. Lets go”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t the social part that worried her really. She had been arm candy as long as she could remember. Starting with her father, that would bring her to his company Christmas parties, bragging about her beauty and intelligence while she shook the hands of the older men around her. Then, after a brief period of adolescence, where her curly hair was unkempt and her limbs too long, was she transferred to Remy. Remy was two years older, and brought Delphine around his university campus like she was show dog. She would sit at these university parties drinking the same stale beer and watching as Remy bragged about her. Not about her brain and grades, but about her legs and how _pleasant_ she was. It had made her uneasy, but it hadn’t stopped her from giggling, leaning into his broad shoulder, and telling him how _handsome he looked with that leather jacket_ in his ear, before smiling innocently at his colleges.

 

Yet, here she was, in front of her mirror, in her 4th outfit. She doesn’t want to standout today. Not really. She kinda just wants to talk to Cosima. Maybe share some wine.

 

“Wow Delphine. You look really nice”

 

Alison had waited about 20 minutes before Delphine returned from her day with Cosima before asking her about her. She had sat on top of her hands, looking like a child with a secret before omitting a single breathe of air

 

_“Iheardyouhungoutwiththegirlfromnextdoor”_

_“Cosima?”_

_“The one with the..eh. the dreadlocks?”_

_“Yes. Cosima.”_

_“Well… how was it?”_

_“It was refreshing”_

The conversation had ended there, but Alison’s obvious fascination with Delphine’s willingness to befriend Cosima over anyone else did not fade away. It had made the three days waiting for Cosima to text her particularly difficult.

 

“Are you going somewhere?”

 

“Cosima has invited me to her friends house for a party.”

 

“Like… like an off campus party?”

 

“Well, as she doesn’t attend school here, I’d believe that would be the only option”

 

“Yes yes you’re right. Sorry I’m so stupid”

 

“Alison you should not speak of yourself that way. You’re very smart”

 

Delphine hadn’t expected Alison to even bring up Cosima, but she certainly hadn’t been expecting her to begin to cry about a boy named Donnie and his _dreadfully boring personality_. She’s subject to 20 minutes of this before the soft sound of her phone distracts her.

 

…

 

_hey can you open your window?_

_…_

 

“Sorry Alison. I have to just-“ Delphine tries to exit, walking into her smaller room but keeping the door between the rooms open. She walks to the window, and is thoroughly surprised by being met with Cosima, sitting precariously on the edge of the fire escape.

“Hey sorry I know I’m a little late. But I’m always a little late so-“

 

“Non. It is okay. I was dealing with a-“

 

“Holy Christmas Cake who’s that?”

 

Alison trailed her way into Delphine’s room, her bright pink turtleneck standing out in contrast to Delphine’s black and white dorm decorations. Delphine hears Cosima chuckling slightly. This is certainly not how she had wanted this night to go.

 

“Hi. I’m Cosima”

 

“Alison. I am Delphine’s, eh, roommate.”

 

“Nice to meet you Alison. Now if you don’t mind if I snag her” Cosima continues, grabbing Delphine’s wrist lightly “we’ve got 13 minutes before security makes another swoop around the building”

 

“Oh yes of course. Sorry for keeping you Delphine” Alison finishes sheepishly “I’ll just go back to my room”

 

“You could come with us, if you’d like” Delphine ventures. She might not completely understand Alison, but it doesn’t negate how kind she’s been to Delphine helping her transition. “If that is all right of course”

 

“Yeah obvs. The more the merrier. You ready to go?”

 

Alison brightens up almost automatically, and follows Delphine out the window. They climb down the fire escape carefully, each step being coached by Cosima. Delphine can’t help but wonder if she’s done it before. And sure enough, just as she slipping into Cosima’s house does she notice the gleam of the security guard’s lights round the corner of her dorm.

 

“How did you know they would come?”

 

“Lived here long enough with nothing better to do but figure out their pattern I guess. I think they want the students to think it’s random. But it’s totally not. Ever other week follows a certain hourly rotation, and then after 3 am they only walk at 4:30. So it really just depends on if it’s a week one or a week 2”

 

“You really are clever aren’t you”?

 

“Well if you say so, how can I object.”?

 

They slide into a jeep parked on the street with it’s lights low. Cosima introduces them to her friend Beth, who while is nothing but polite to Delphine, quickly begins to engage Alison. The drive through suburban Massachusetts is short enough, but Delphine spends the smiling at Cosima as she blatantly questions the strength of Beth and Alison’s conversations.  

 

They arrive at Beth’s house, and are getting out of the car when Cosima is all but tackled by another girl, _Sarah_ it sounds from the protests Cosima is making. A boy, no older than 16 walks up to them as well, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

 

“And you must be Delphine then. I get it”

 

“Oui. Bonjour..?”

 

“Felix. And that’s Sarah.”

 

“Yeah. And if you hurt our mate Cos. I’m gonna bloody kick your ass”

 

“Alright alright both of you” Cosima interjects. “Enough with the warm welcomes. Let’s at least get Delphine a drink before you whip out the death threats” She grabs Delphine’s hand again. “Ignore them. They just like to meddle because it’s easier than them saying they actually like me. And by the looks of it, they’ve been drinking for a couple of hours anyways”

 

To Cosima’s and her friends credit, the party is pretty fun. Sarah’s boyfriend Cal plays with his band in the basement, and it seems that Beth’s parents aren’t worried about the flood of people coming in and out of her house. Cosima hands her a beer in a red cup, apologizing for it’s quality, and laughing when Delphine deftly takes the cup and swigs it back without preamble, before daintily passing it back and asking for another.

She’s introduced to a whirlwind of faces _Sarah, Felix, Art, Helena, Cal, Krystal_ ; all meeting her with similar levels of caution, as if they don’t want to scare her away. But Delphine can’t complain, because as Cosima gets more drunk she gets more excited, and it isn’t long before the two of them are dancing around in the basement, twirling in each others arms.

 

The light reflects so beautifully off of Cosima’s glasses, scattering multi colored beams across her face, and Delphine can’t help but reach her hand and trace her thumb down the length of one. She blamed it on the alcohol sure, but even sober, she has a suspicion she would have done it anyways.

 

Yet, when Cosima reaches up to her, placing her lips delicately against her own, Delphine is overwhelmed instantly. Softness is all she feels, followed by her pulse dropping to her core and the taste of beer, pot, and something delicately sweet.

 

She’s too stunned to kiss back, but she enjoys the feeling too much to pull away. The moment is quickly broken however when Cosima herself realizes Delphine’s uncertainty.

 

“Oh shit Delphine did I make a huge mistake.”

 

“It is alright Cosima. I think I just need to go”

 

And she bolts up the stairs and out the door, ignoring the calls from the smaller girl behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued...

**Author's Note:**

> to be continued....


End file.
